What is it Lassie? Is Timmy in Trouble?

We missed it. The swearing in ceremony of the new police dog. Damn. The dog is a law enforcement officer, and as such must swear before all that is holy - in this case a district judge - that he is willing to uphold the laws of the land. Now, close your eyes and get the picture: Maple paneled courtroom, subdued lighting, quiet carpet and portraits of all the Judges Who Have Gone Before looming down at you. The Judge, tall, somber, balding and reeking with all the dignity a black nylon robe can impart, steps down from the bench and comes to stand directly in front of the new officer.

"Raise your right paw."
The dog does. (I swear this is true - they train 'em to do this.)
"Do you solemnly swear to uphold the yadda, yadda, yadda...?
The dog says "Woof."
"I hereby appoint you an officer of the P-Ville Police Department."
"Woof, woof, woof!" The dog shakes hands with the Judge.

We missed it. Got filled in on the festivities a day later by the court reporter.

So, instead, we are going to today's swearing in ceremony for the new District Attorney. A pale substitute for yesterday's canine solemnities.

I'm going to miss the old D.A. If you watched any major network news magazine shows about four years ago then you have seen him. He has his bad points - poor judgment in his choice of undercover drug sting operatives, drunk driving, wanton womanizing, and rampaging good ol' boyism. But I'm still gonna miss him.

The first time I was ever in court with him I had just started this job - one week out of college. I didn't really know what to do other than to sit next to the D.A. and fill in the blanks on the form in front of me as the hearing progressed.

The defendant was testifying and the D.A. became bored. He started to swivel back and forth in his chair, like a five-year-old. Then he yawned and stretched. And stretched. And leaned back in the chair, stretching more until his right hand grabbed my foot (dangling in the air as it was at the end of my crossed leg) and he squeezed it. Repeatedly. And grinned.

To this day I have no idea what the hell he was doing. Was he flirting? (His record would hold this truth to be self-evident.) Was it an accident and he wasn't sure what he was holding? (If so what the hell did he think it was?) Or was he just trying to cut the tension for me, the probably overwhelmed newbie?

We've had a lot of fun in the court room over the last 10 years or so. There was the time he hunkered down under the counsel table during a court hearing as if he was tying his shoe (he wears cowboy boots) and tried to place a clandestine take-out order for fried chicken over his cell phone.

He had a bad experience with a blue ink pen once. It burst all over his hand during court. He wasn't paying attention and proceeded to rub his chin, knead his eyes and scratch his cheek with that hand before noticing what had happened. The Judge called a recess while I scrubbed his face with a damp handkerchief. (No, I didn't spit on it - there is always a pitcher of water on the table.) I couldn't really help him much and we finished the court hearing with the State being represented by Papa Smurf.

I am a lover of change and I am excited to see what happens next. But to be honest, I am going to miss the devil I know.