Would you like fries with that?

A lot of times people around me end their stories with the phrase "and that's why I could never work at the bank." Its nothing personal against bankers, but a recognition that a lot of us just wouldn't fit that corporate mold. The dress code we could grudgingly handle - its not so different from our own. The holidays would be toasty-nice. We have extensive experience in working with the public. But...

I went to church today. On a Monday. Yeah, I can't believe it either. But there was free food. The church is sponsoring an out door lunchtime bible study during the month of October. They provide a free brown bag lunch. Why is it plain old sandwiches taste so much better when someone else makes them?

Mindy, ER and I walked over from work. Walking made us feel especially self-righteous. It ought to be worth an extra punch on our Christian cards. Going to church on a Monday ought to be a bit like double-stamp day. Double-extra Christian card punches for sure. (You know about the Christian card, right? Fill it up before the end of time and you either get eternal life or a free video tape rental. Your choice.)

We were a little late. After lunch our friend C admoninshed us for being tardy - it messed with the seating arrangements at the "cool kids" table. I admitted it was my fault. (Ok. Its not really the "cool kids". More likely the "yearbook staff/nerds".)

"I had a guy crying in my office," I told her. "I figured it would be wrong to say 'Get the hell out. I have to go to church.'"

It was only the second time I'd seen this guy. He's been on probation for years, but is new to my caseload. Right before I took his case, he'd failed a drug test. Today was my first chance to confront him about it.

He flat out denied using drugs. Denial is a double edged sword. If you can stick with it, cold turkey, it will take you a long way. But very, very few people can stick with it. We always want to elaborate or fudge or somehow change our story. The minute you deviate from the original "Hell no - and you can't prove any different" line, you are screwed.

He was screwed. I had one positive drug test for methamphetamines, from a couple of months ago. By the time I told him what I had, he'd already admitted to using cocaine and marijuana on his birthday last week and marijuana at least twice a week for the two months before that. Why did he use?

Because he's afraid to die. He has hepatitis C. He can get treatment, but that involves needles. He doesn't want shots. (He's willing to snort cocaine and smoke marijuana and do God knows what with methamphetamine, but draws the line at taking a shot?) He's afraid to die, so he uses drugs, which causes his disease to get worse, which causes him fear of death, which causes him to use drugs. After a long ride on this merry-go-round I had to get off. It was becoming evident that he really just needed an excuse to get high. Toking up to keep from kicking off was some kind of a justification for him.

I finally said, "Look - you are either going to have to go ahead and die or you are going to have to change your life. One or the other. So go home, figure it out, and let me know what you decide."

... and that's why I could never work at the bank.

He's not actively suicidal. He even managed to look sheepish when he knew his bluff was called. However, anyone who is (a.) using drugs and (b.) refusing treatment for a life-threatening disease has some real problems. He's going to get counseling until he either gets better or pukes. Or both.