M2 was hired as a probation officer six months before me. I've written about her before. Which means she's been here, striking terror into the hearts of evil-doers for 13 and 1/2 years. She's crazy. And I don't mean crazy as in ha-ha-isn't-she-quaint-crazy. I mean eat-your-children-for-breakfast-crazy.
She's really proud of her Hispanic heritage, but doesn't take it too seriously. She and I went out to dinner together one Friday night at a new local restaurant. We were immediately seated and given a couple of menus. We sat there. And we sat there. And we made a pyramid out of the menus and some condiments. And we sat there. Finally she announced in a loud voice: "I don't know what the problem is. I look white!"
The waiter made it right over to our table after that.
She had to go to court this week for revocation hearings. One of her guys, who is also Hispanic, was in court because he'd screwed up his probation. He's much too busy to report, too hedonistic to spend money on fines and court costs, and too popular to be seen doing community service.
His attorney put him on the stand and he talked about how he'd wanted to make a success of the probation. He just couldn't get any help from his officer, Ms. Maldanado. She wouldn't cut him a break. He felt that he couldn't confide in Ms. Maldanado. In fact, several times when he had tried to call Ms. Maldanado to ask for her help, she wouldn't even return his calls. He knew he should have made more of an effort, but he hoped the Court would understand that Ms. Maldanado, rather helping, had been a hindrance to his efforts from the very beginning. He had tried. Ms. Maldanado had not. And that is why he was in trouble.
The Assistant District Attorney stood up and asked one question. "Mr. Garcia, would it surprise you to learn that your officer's name is MEJORADO, not Maldanado?"
He went to jail.
Friday, May 5, 2006
Monday, May 1, 2006
Tim the Tool Man
The best thing about my job is the people. They're insanely interesting. They become almost predictable in their unpredictability. There are little nooks and crannies in each of them that hold the knick knacks of their personality. I love to be able to peer into those places and experience bits and pieces of who they really are.
Tim is one of my people. He is 41. He looks to be about my age or younger. (I’m 35.) Tim has a problem with drinking. He is on probation for Felony DWI. He drinks for a lot of reasons, including loneliness.
Tim has four kids (with a couple of different women), but he is closest to his twin teenage sons. They are about 14 years old. They live in San Antonio, which is 455.64 miles from here. He calls them every single day. He tries his best to father by phone.
He has family here in town, too. I don’t know a lot about Tim’s family, but I know they have no use for Tim. He has brothers and sisters here. His parents live in an even smaller town 15 miles away. His parents never call, never acknowledge him. When he calls, they will talk about the weather and answer Tim’s questions, but never really engage him in conversation.
Everyone in Fake Cow County shops at Wal-Mart. It’s pretty much our only choice most of the time. Tim makes his pilgrimage every Saturday morning. He knows his parents usually shop then, as well as his siblings. He hangs around, hoping to see them and talk for a while. No matter what Tim does, it seems it is never good enough for his parents. He can never measure up. He can’t even get a peek at the yard stick to see how far he has to go.
Tim also has problems with women. He’s a good looking guy and he likes good looking women. For Tim, relationships are all sex, all of the time. We have discussed this. At length. Mindy was his officer previously and diligently tried to teach Tim that women use him and he them and nobody is happy. I’ve had the same conversations with him since I took over his case.
A couple of weeks ago we had another long discussion about why he should stay away from women until he gets his life together. He can’t attract a sane, stable and independent companion until he is sane, stable and independent himself. He understands that, but wants to make sure I understand that his main criteria is that the woman is good looking. I want to make sure he understands that all women will eventually end up looking like his grandma. Which is ok, because he’s going to end up all stooped and wrinkly and cantankerous like his grandpa. Especially if he keeps drinking.
I have tried. Mindy has tried. I’m sure his minister has tried. Tim understands that women make a sucker out of him every time. All it takes is a little bit of sex and Tim will do whatever they want and give them whatever they ask for. Until he has nothing left to give. Then they kick him and move on. And all that just for sex.
We’ve talked about cold showers. And other things. Sometimes Tim gets embarrassed. That’s usually about the time I’m pounding the desk raving about how “Its just sex, Tim, my God! Its just not all that important, man! You can even do it alone. Stay away from the women, Tim – they’re evil!”
And Tim tries. He really does. He’s been living alone for several months now. That’s a big change for him. Most of the time Tim learns which sexual position a woman prefers before he learns her last name. I’m not kidding. When he talks about his friends, he now anticipates my questions and says things like “She just gives me a ride to work and I give her gas money. I haven’t slept with her.”
He’s also working out. He wants to look good for the ladies. His blood pressure is a little high. He needs to work off some “energy”. Exercise is good for all of that.
And, believe it or not, Tim reads his Bible. Every day. A couple of weeks ago, Tim told me he reads various passages each day, but always tries to read something out of his favorite book - Palms.
Yes, Palms.
I did not laugh. I did not blink. I did not even grin. I told him I thought that was a good book too, and suggested he read the 27th chapter, since it related to what we were talking about. He told me which chapter was his favorite, and I’ve been kicking myself for days because I did not write it down and now I’ve forgotten.
But maybe I can ask him about it next time I see him. In between questions about his fatherhood and his … other problems.
Tim is one of my people. He is 41. He looks to be about my age or younger. (I’m 35.) Tim has a problem with drinking. He is on probation for Felony DWI. He drinks for a lot of reasons, including loneliness.
Tim has four kids (with a couple of different women), but he is closest to his twin teenage sons. They are about 14 years old. They live in San Antonio, which is 455.64 miles from here. He calls them every single day. He tries his best to father by phone.
He has family here in town, too. I don’t know a lot about Tim’s family, but I know they have no use for Tim. He has brothers and sisters here. His parents live in an even smaller town 15 miles away. His parents never call, never acknowledge him. When he calls, they will talk about the weather and answer Tim’s questions, but never really engage him in conversation.
Everyone in Fake Cow County shops at Wal-Mart. It’s pretty much our only choice most of the time. Tim makes his pilgrimage every Saturday morning. He knows his parents usually shop then, as well as his siblings. He hangs around, hoping to see them and talk for a while. No matter what Tim does, it seems it is never good enough for his parents. He can never measure up. He can’t even get a peek at the yard stick to see how far he has to go.
Tim also has problems with women. He’s a good looking guy and he likes good looking women. For Tim, relationships are all sex, all of the time. We have discussed this. At length. Mindy was his officer previously and diligently tried to teach Tim that women use him and he them and nobody is happy. I’ve had the same conversations with him since I took over his case.
A couple of weeks ago we had another long discussion about why he should stay away from women until he gets his life together. He can’t attract a sane, stable and independent companion until he is sane, stable and independent himself. He understands that, but wants to make sure I understand that his main criteria is that the woman is good looking. I want to make sure he understands that all women will eventually end up looking like his grandma. Which is ok, because he’s going to end up all stooped and wrinkly and cantankerous like his grandpa. Especially if he keeps drinking.
I have tried. Mindy has tried. I’m sure his minister has tried. Tim understands that women make a sucker out of him every time. All it takes is a little bit of sex and Tim will do whatever they want and give them whatever they ask for. Until he has nothing left to give. Then they kick him and move on. And all that just for sex.
We’ve talked about cold showers. And other things. Sometimes Tim gets embarrassed. That’s usually about the time I’m pounding the desk raving about how “Its just sex, Tim, my God! Its just not all that important, man! You can even do it alone. Stay away from the women, Tim – they’re evil!”
And Tim tries. He really does. He’s been living alone for several months now. That’s a big change for him. Most of the time Tim learns which sexual position a woman prefers before he learns her last name. I’m not kidding. When he talks about his friends, he now anticipates my questions and says things like “She just gives me a ride to work and I give her gas money. I haven’t slept with her.”
He’s also working out. He wants to look good for the ladies. His blood pressure is a little high. He needs to work off some “energy”. Exercise is good for all of that.
And, believe it or not, Tim reads his Bible. Every day. A couple of weeks ago, Tim told me he reads various passages each day, but always tries to read something out of his favorite book - Palms.
Yes, Palms.
I did not laugh. I did not blink. I did not even grin. I told him I thought that was a good book too, and suggested he read the 27th chapter, since it related to what we were talking about. He told me which chapter was his favorite, and I’ve been kicking myself for days because I did not write it down and now I’ve forgotten.
But maybe I can ask him about it next time I see him. In between questions about his fatherhood and his … other problems.
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