Bling Bringers and Buckle Bunnies

Ever spend the whole week thinking "Wow! I can blog that!" but never doing it? This week has been the culmination of a very stressful month. I have stress leaking out my ears and its making my nose run. But, today is Saturday and I am kicking back, ready to slap and cuss anyone who asks me to do anything. I just don't care. Not even a little. BWAAHAAAHAHAHA!

So There.

One thing that always ads to the stress level is teaching a class for drug offenders in the evening. It is only a 15 hour class, once a quarter, but it robs me of the evenings. I am a tyrant about my evenings. I like the extra money and I even enjoy the class - sometimes - but it makes for a tough couple of weeks.

So what am I doing about that? Going back to Austin next week for a week's worth of training so I can help teach a class for Felony DWI offenders. But drunks are always more fun than addicts, right?

Not always.

Last week I kicked a guy out of my drug class. He is on my caseload. His name is Joe. Joe is/was a drug dealer. A drug dealer of the volume business variety that makes the front page of the newspaper when the business plan fails.

And he is absolutely huge. I didn't realize how huge until I was staring at the underside of his chin, letting him know his presence was no longer required in our little class. When we took a break halfway through the class, he came back with glassy, bloodshot eyes. And the giggles. Joe does not normally giggle.

Yesterday I had an appointment with Joe. We started with the standard denials and assertions. Following that portion of the program, I asked Joe what he was doing with his free time.

He looked a little sheepish and said he was buying and selling cattle.

"You're doing what!?"
"Buying cattle. My uncle has 30 acres north of town and I keep them there where they free range until I am ready to sell them. I keep them long enough to make a profit - which doesn't take long because of the price per pound," Joe said and started to grin.

Joe went on to explain how he spends his Saturday mornings making the rounds of all the area small-town livestock auctions, doing his buying and selling. At this point I was laughing out loud.

Joe admitted the thing he enjoyed most about selling drugs was making deals - the thrill watching his money grow, based on his skill as a deal maker. He has recaptured a part of that thrill as a cattle broker. He's also branching out and has started studying agricultural stocks in the Wall Street Journal!

I was laughing so hard, I was almost crying. I asked Joe what they thought of him when he showed up at the livestock auction. He shifted in his chair, which caused the bling around his neck to slide across his chest and the huge chain sparkled in the fluorescent lighting. He fingered the hem of his Starter jersey which drew attention to his fancy wristwatch and audacious rings. He looked up at me from under the edge of his brimless cap.

"You know I'm the only one there who's not a cowboy, right?" he with a huge grin. "I don't really fit in, but I don't mind. And one of these days, I'm gonna get me one of those huge belt buckles!"

I could've hugged him.